What your position in a band says about you | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, November 30, 2017 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:43 PM, November 30, 2017

What your position in a band says about you

The opinions expressed in this totally legit article are the writer' own, send all your hate to him. Plus he can't even play an instrument, what a loser. 

Bassist: If you play bass, then you really enjoy playing the victim. While it is true that in most bands the contribution and importance of the bassist is overlooked, you have made this fact your gospel. At every opportunity you are preaching the plight of the bassists - how no one appreciates what you do, and how the band's music wouldn't be half as good if you weren't there. In trying to prove to everyone that you are the backbone of the band, you create some wicked basslines. Unfortunately, you don't practice said basslines and end up looking like an idiot when you mess up. Thus proving the misconceptions right. Good job, idiot. Bassists also tend to be violent, and will hit you if you ask them to play Seven Nation Army.

Drummer: As a rule, drummers hate their neighbours. If they didn't, they would have played some “bhodro” instrument like the harmonium, and not some gigantic contraption of noise production. Even more important than their hate for neighbours is their love for drum stick twirls. Most drummers know how to do the twirl, but very little about proper rhythm. They will rag on Ringo Starr for not being technical but lack the ability to maintain the right tempo for more than ten seconds. Despite this, they will claim to still be a better drummer than Lars Ulrich, which I can't really disagree with. 

Rhythm Guitarist: Rhythm guitarists are a strange bunch. For one, the only chords they can hit on the first try are power chords. Therefore, they resolve to only play power chords and say other chords aren't “heavy enough” for them. In their attempt to be “hardcore”, they also diss acoustic guitars; much like primitive men, they are afraid of anything they can't understand. Their technical skills are also questionable, since they play with only downstrokes. They'll say they're doing it to be like James Hetfield, but everyone can see through it. 

Lead Guitarist: This person is way too fond of the Lil Wayne meme. It is a funny meme, but for the love of God stop overusing it. Lead guitarists also delude themselves into thinking they are much better than they actually are. It gets so bad sometimes that they try to convince people they would be as good as Steve Vai if they only had the same gear. Their knowledge of music theory is also laughable, and most of the time the only scale they'll know is the Em pentatonic. He's also never managed to play an entire solo flawlessly, It'll happen eventually, hopefully. 

Vocalist: Vocalists think they are God's gift to mankind. They are so full of themselves, they think people only like the band because of them. In reality, they are probably the weakest link in the band. You know what - I'm going to stop talking about them and not indulge their egos any further.

So, which band member are you? How accurate were these descriptions? Let me know at nobodycares@gmail.com

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