(Author's note: All names have been changed to avoid the inevitable lawsuits I could get myself into. Also, sadly, I'm not getting paid to name any best chips; all I got out of this was a full stomach and empty wallet from buying so many bags of chips)
Everyone knows the trip to their local grocery store just isn't complete without a bag of chips. But as of late, it's tough with all the options available. So we'll be taking a look at the unspoken food war of Bangladesh – something far more cultured than your daily gourmet burger arguments: the chips war.
Gone are the days of me just casually going to the store and saying, “Mama, can I get some chips?” It used to be easier, with two or three options. Today, I'm greeted with a rainbow coloured assortment of flavours and brands shoved in my face while I'm thinking to myself, “Too many options, which ones doesn't suck?” So here goes an in-depth analysis.
My thoughts: Is it cheating if I started with a foreign brand? Shopkeeper mama insists I try these first, they're bideshi, so they have to be high quality. I won't lie, the packaging is easily the best; it's shiny and the flavors look so natural, how do you not think you hit gold? But I'd soon discover appearances are often deceiving.
Verdict: I expected to find literal gold, honestly. Instead I'm greeted with blank shock and a gust of wind blowing in my face. Forget chips, I just bought imported air. But hey, if you weren't looking for plentiful tasty chips and instead wanted discount oxygen tanks, you found your item. 5/10, the chips are alright.
My thoughts: So this one's a classic, that iconic yellow dude in a suit who looks like the Monopoly man's long lost cousin from a Simpsons bootleg episode; you can't deny that simple packaging has its own charm. I'm instantly attracted, obviously. The chips are like the curly fries of chips, both literally and figuratively, I mean it's such an unconventional shape but it tastes so good.
Verdict: Easy classic, it's always so consistent with how much flavour dust there is (and how much that one rare chip has some extra, that's the stuff people live for). In terms of flavour, you can't go wrong with this. 8/10.
My thoughts: Ok, this one's a relatively newcomer compared to certain other brands that have been around a while. My question is: why are they trying so hard to be Lazy chips? From the packaging to the chips and flavours – the similarities are uncanny. But like I said, appearances are often deceiving (this time in more ways than one).
Verdict: So normally the green packs of chips are the same old sour cream & onion flavor, which is easily the safest tasty option. This time, I didn't notice there's a second green package, and ended up biting into a chip I thought would be that cool taste, but instead the flavour burns my tongue. My genuine question is: who actually, unironically likes this? But you know what? I got Stockholm Syndrome'd into liking it pretty fast, so guess that worked out well. Not bad. Not bad at all. 7.5/10.
My thoughts: Imagine being that stepbrother in the family who gets mercilessly roasted at family meetings for being so try-hard but so different. This is Detox, the ultimate bootleg.
Verdict: Honestly, it's just meme chips. At least there's a lot of flavour dust and the fun of showing it to bootleg appreciators online. 4/10.
MERRY DAY CHIPS
My thoughts: Another classic, so simple to look at it, and straight to the point.
Verdict: They live up to what they promise. And the packages come with the occasional toy, great for people who like collecting fun toys. These spinners are better than fidget spinners anyway, when will they trend? 8.5/10.
At this point I was tempted to end this “research” and articulate some Aesop-esque spiel about how there's no real best chips, just buy whatever you love, but I forgot the most important brand.
My thought: THE OG chips, this is the definitive Bangladeshi classic. You know it when you see it, and you love it when you eat it.
Verdict: It's perfect, except for that one super-hard chip that's in every package. But still 10/10.
Well folks, looks like there is an answer after all. All I learned from this is there's no going wrong with the classics, and that every green coloured chips package isn't sour cream & onion. Or you could, just completely ignore all this and just buy what you like, no one's stopping you, really.
Nuhan B. Abid is a Gordon Ramsay wannabe who thinks he can make fun of your bad homemade food and favourite chips. Send him your irrelevant angry tirades about your favorite chips at firstname.lastname@example.org