The Perfect Phone | The Daily Star
12:00 AM, December 07, 2017 / LAST MODIFIED: 12:00 AM, December 07, 2017

The Perfect Phone

Technological advancements have blessed upon us a device with unlimited utility. Let's forget about the whole modern civilization for a second and appreciate just how amazing being able to talk to someone on the opposite side of the planet really is. But of course, since that's something every phone is capable of doing now, it's all about the newest, flashiest features.
People treat their phones like some parents treat their children; paranoid about sustaining physical damage and complain to others about the faults and shortcomings. With all the problems people face regarding their phones, I've decided to come up with 5 fresh new features to create the “Perfect Phone” and save the people from their daily struggles.
Have you ever tried to take a selfie with your friends and met with the line “Dost ekhane lighting baje oidike chol”? And then bounced around the place 5-6 times just to find the perfect spot? Of course you have! This is why the perfect phone will come with a lighting navigator, which will direct you to the perfect spot for taking a picture within a 10 meter radius. 
The #1 drawback of buying an expensive phone is that you'll be much sadder when you get mugged. So in order to safely roam around the dark street corners of Dhaka while still being able to show off to your friends, the perfect phone comes with an anti-mugging measure. The outer layer of the device will have a taser that will be activated whenever anyone without the registered finger print tries to touch the phone. As a bonus, this will also protect you from people intending to snoop around in your phone or post embarrassing statuses from your Facebook account. 
The most common complaint people have about their phones is that the battery drains way too fast. This is why the perfect phone will provide two adapters, one for inserting into a socket and one for inserting into a potato. We all know from our school science fairs that potatoes are an excellent source of energy. So if you have the perfect phone, you can just carry around a potato wherever you go and never worry about your phone running out of power again.
People text a lot. And some of them are stupid texts, sent to the wrong people, at inappropriate times. And so, the perfect phone will have a text assassin feature, the savior of our socially awkward generation. A virtual assassin will hunt down that one specific text, remove it from the face of the earth and save you from the humiliation of having the screenshot of your text posted publicly.
Have you ever tried to climb down the stairs in the dark and then stumbled and fell down the entire flight? For times like that, the perfect phone will have a small light attached to the back, which can be used as a proxy for an actual flashlight. Genius right? 
Oh, the 5th one already exists?  Well, what a time to be alive!
A.K.M. Mushfiqur Rahman spends his free time zip-lining across Dhaka's rooftops with his pet llama named Barkat. Spot him at your nearest rooftop and feed his llama some nuts or something. 

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